I Never Thought that I Would Do to You

March 2, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is child abuse. Since many of my poems are written on request, some of the stories you will see contained in these poems are unfortunately true.

Today’s poem is a poem about child abuse from the point of view of the abuser.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

I never thought that I would do to you
The terrible things my father did to me.
But here I am consumed with bitter rage,
Beating you with fists I can't control.

It is as though my father were within me,
Smirking at my helplessness as I
Do the things I can't believe I'm doing,
Slapping, punching, growling like a dog.

"You see? You see?" he says. "I couldn't help it!
My father did it to me, and I to you.
And now you to your son. Come join the circle,
And when he has a son, he'll join us, too!"

"No! No!" I answer silently. But I
Go on beating, beating, beating who?
Myself? My father? But it is only you
Who lies there screaming, scrunched into a ball.

Why? Why do I do this? Why? I wonder
As I watch myself go on and on.
Then suddenly I'm done. The thing is over.
And you, as I once did, weep to the wall.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, so ashamed.
I touch your shoulder gently, and you shudder.
The remorse is so much worse than was the beating.
I remember. But I cannot help it.

I take you in my arms. You lie unmoving,
Surrendering your body, not your heart.
I know that I will never, never reach you.
And still I hope without hope for your love.

My fear and shame are like a dark cocoon.
They were when I was you, are with me still.
I'm safe within our shared disgust and horror.
I know like me you'll never say a word.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/ineve7.html. For more poems about child abuse, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/childabusepoems.html.

This week’s theme: Child Abuse.
Feb. 29: At Odds of the Night My Sister Irene and I
Mar 1: Adelaide
Mar 2: I Never Thought that I Would Do to You

Adelaide

March 1, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is child abuse. Since many of my poems are written on request, some of the stories you will see contained in these poems are unfortunately true.

Today’s poem is a name poem for a grown-up victim of child abuse.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

Adelaide is gracious to a fault,
Desiring harmony more than she does desire.
Each disagreement threatens to turn dire.
Likes and dislikes never leave the vault.
A child of war becomes adept at peace.
Intuitively she skirts the hidden mines,
Determined not to cross long-vanished lines,
Eluding rage long after rage has ceased.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/adelai.html. For more poems about child abuse, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/childabusepoems.html.

This week’s theme: Child Abuse.
Feb. 29: At Odds of the Night My Sister Irene and I
Mar 1: Adelaide

At Odds of the Night My Sister Irene and I

February 29, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is child abuse. Since many of my poems are written on request, some of the stories you will see contained in these poems are unfortunately true.

Today’s poem is the story of an abused child in Alaska who, looking back, sees a providential purpose to her pain.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

At odds of the night my sister Irene and I
Would count our coins that we might run away,
Stepping off the fated path of pain
That led me to the man whom I would love.

So little do we know of these, our lives,
That lead through dark and bitter labyrinths,
Sometimes to wind through sorrows unrelieved,
Sometimes to turn and climb through sunlit fields.

My mother was shot when I was three years old.
They brought us up to Anchorage to see her.
I don’t remember hearing she was dying.
I cried for juice and then was led away.

They took us down to live in Lower Kalskag
With those who didn’t care how we might wander
Through the chaos of their junk-strewn days,
Two melodies oft sung but rarely heard.

Often then we thought to run away
To live under the frozen moon and stars
Like faeries in a world of glittering ice,
Tinkling with each breath of polar wind;

Or walking with the freedom of the dead
By daylight in the shadows of the living,
Playing tricks on those whose anger lashed us
With all the passing fury of a storm.

Ah, bitter cold those days in Lower Kalskag!
Love was like an eagle high above us,
Soaring high above our frozen valley
Strewn with pleasure’s gnawed and splintered bones.

And life for me exactly was my heart:
A stone grooved deeply by slow-moving ice,
Borne upon an unrelenting glacier
Sliding like a snake towards some vast hell.

Long were I then lost to angry lust
Like those around me, save for two bright angels,
Strangers moved to pity by my suffering,
Who sent me to the Wrangell Institute.

There was a serenity of order
Strict with the insistence of wise love,
And I could be a child once again,
Safe to dream within my castle walls.

And there I met my life’s sweet love and light,
The boy who would become my man, my husband,
Whom I’d not have found another way.
And even as two children we knew love.

After Wrangell Institute I headed
Back to Lower Kalskag, for I knew
No other place to wait upon adulthood
When I and my sweet boy could make a home.

I never knew I had an older brother,
Now grown, who met me at the Wrangell airport,
Tore up my ticket, vowed that I would never
Go back to live in such a hell again;

And sent me to my sister in Bethel,
A sister also whom I never knew,
And there I stayed until I finished high school
And joined again the partner of my life.

We walked through rich and lovely fields together,
Filled with children, some who didn’t live,
Nor would I choose now to have suffered less
Upon a different path from birth to death.

We cannot know where fate by chance may take us
Or where the road through suffering may lead,
Or whether when we’re most submerged in darkness,
Our steps are headed straight into the light.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/atodds.html. For more poems about child abuse, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/childabusepoems.html.

This week’s theme: Child Abuse.
Feb. 29: At Odds of the Night My Sister Irene and I

How Both of You Are Voices of One Song

February 28, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is how marriage both needs and creates a community of love.

Today’s poem is an anniversary poem about how a couple’s love affects everyone around them.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

How both of you are voices of one song!
As counterpoint makes one soul out of two,
Pleasing to the heart in all you do:
Praising love with music clear and strong.
Your harmonies our faith and hope renew
As beauty like a wave sweeps over wrong:
No act of love can fail to touch us long,
Nor cold, dark anger fail to undo.
In coming years your love will only grow.
Vistas shared will open up behind.
Each kiss will glisten in the early dawn,
Reminding you of stars long tucked away.
So may your years of happiness bestow
A gift of sunlight warm, serene, and kind,
Revealing love of pride and passion shorn,
Yet basking in the glow of golden day.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/howbot.html. For more anniversary poems, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/anniversarypoems.html.

This week’s theme: How Marriage Both Needs and Creates a Community of Love.
Feb. 22: No Marriage Is an Island unto Itself
Feb. 23: Happy Seventh Anniversary
Feb. 24: Forty Years Together You Have Loved
Feb. 25: A Father’s Fiancée
Feb. 26: Angels Just Love Weddings, Don’t You Think
Feb. 27: I Feel as Though a Dam Within Me’s Burst
Feb. 28: How Both of You Are Voices of One Song

I Feel as Though a Dam Within Me's Burst

February 27, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is how marriage both needs and creates a community of love.

Today’s poem is about how a love betrayed can become a prison through the family it created.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

I feel as though a dam within me’s burst
And yet the water’s solid and won’t flow.
I cannot bear to touch you, even though
I lie beside you praying for the worst.
Everything I’ve cherished now is cursed
By what I know and what I still don’t know.
I’m shut, and neither can nor cannot go.
I need to gather up my furies first.
My love for you lies murdered and unmoved,
Waiting for a wound that will not bleed.
We stay together for the children, yet
It seems a thousand years since we once loved,
And you were still a treasure and a need,
And I a fool whom fate would not forget.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/ifeela.html. For more poems about marriage, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/marriagepoems.html.

This week’s theme: How Marriage Both Needs and Creates a Community of Love.
Feb. 22: No Marriage Is an Island unto Itself
Feb. 23: Happy Seventh Anniversary
Feb. 24: Forty Years Together You Have Loved
Feb. 25: A Father’s Fiancée
Feb. 26: Angels Just Love Weddings, Don’t You Think
Feb. 27: I Feel as Though a Dam Within Me’s Burst

Angels Just Love Weddings, Don't You Think

February 26, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is how marriage both needs and creates a community of love.

Today’s poem is a wedding poem about a community of angels participating in the ceremony.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

Angels just love weddings, don’t you think?
No one sees them, but we know they’re there,
Golden halos lassoing their hair,
Embodying a love beyond the brink.
Love draws them in like revelers to drink,
Alive in love, breathing love like air,
Amorous in ways we could not bear,
Needing us to be love’s earthly link.
Do, then, with an angel’s ecstasy,
Make your lives an amorous delight,
Intimate in ways both sure and sly,
Chaste but in the chamber of your love.
Heaven is not quite a fantasy;
Angels hover near, awaiting night.
Eden was a place where none was shy,
Loving as the naked lust might move.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/angel6.html. For more wedding poems, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/weddingpoems.html.

This week’s theme: How Marriage Both Needs and Creates a Community of Love.
Feb. 22: No Marriage Is an Island unto Itself
Feb. 23: Happy Seventh Anniversary
Feb. 24: Forty Years Together You Have Loved
Feb. 25: A Father’s Fiancée
Feb. 26: Angels Just Love Weddings, Don’t You Think

A Father's Fiancee

February 25, 2016

Dear Subscriber:

Each week we examine a theme from a variety of points of view. The theme for this week is how marriage both needs and creates a community of love.

Today’s poem is a wedding poem about how a marriage affects the children of a former marriage.

I welcome comments on my poems at http://nicholasgordon.blogspot.com.

Yours,

Nick Gordon

A father’s fiancee is
An intended mother.
More than two are joined
This day in joy.
Though two may blossom
By the winged boy’s fountain,
Other flowers are watered
By that love.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Hear or watch me recite the poem and listen to the music I chose for it at http://www.poemsforfree.com/fafian.html. For more wedding poems, go to http://www.poemsforfree.com/weddingpoems.html.

This week’s theme: How Marriage Both Needs and Creates a Community of Love.
Feb. 22: No Marriage Is an Island unto Itself
Feb. 23: Happy Seventh Anniversary
Feb. 24: Forty Years Together You Have Loved
Feb. 25: A Father’s Fiancée